The 5 Best Rocks To Throw

As humanity continues to descend further into anachronism I feel it is my sworn duty as a member of the species (there is some push back on this) to catalog a list of the best rocks to throw in anger. Before our favorite weapon, gun, was invented judgement was a matter of stone and flesh, I don’t see us advancing much past this point with the earth becoming increasingly agitated at our antics and our own animosity towards one another reaching boiling points almost every day. Yes, nihilistic, to be sure but on the off chance I am right and we return to the days of stoning, i’ve cataloged what i believe to be the best stones to be flung.

  1. Slate

This isn’t just a hoighty toighty publication but also a great rock for throwing. Slate is great for roofing, flooring, and chucking at those whose beliefs counter your own. This is perfect for manual laborers cause you can work and persecute at the same time!

2. Amethyst

This precious gemstone is often timed to the spirit. So if someone is insulting or fucking up your spiritual flow be sure to throw this one right at their third eye. It’s got the perfect texture to leave both physical and emotional scars.

3. Bloodstone

I mean come on. The name. Blood is in the name. Chuck this and know what ever gods you worship are pleased.

4. Pegmatite

This rock is formed near magma so be careful when acquiring but once obtained not only do you have a heavy rock to launch but once it breaks you’ll definitelly get some rare materials out of it. Make a point and some profit with this saucy rock.

5. Granite

Granite is easy to find and even easier to throw. It’s salt of the earth and reminds of simpler times. When the world was simple and no one really knew what medicine was yet.

Anyway I truly hope we don’t get back to the times of throwing rocks but if we do. Here are some to choose from.

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Aaron LaRoche is a rascal

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